I Told You So

Nothing is more enlightening to a teacher than Parent Conference Day. The common phrase I have heard throughout the years about kids and parents was, "That nut didn't fall far from the tree."

Jerry had already served 2 straight weeks of after school detentions and I was anxious to talk to his parents about his behavior. I had high hopes of sharing with them how each of Jerry's teachers had tried numerous strategies to get their child to turn the behavior around. Even still, despite our best efforst Jerry got in trouble just about everywhere he went. He had been in trouble on the school bus, art class, music class, P. E., the cafeteria and our 6th grade classrooms. The only place he didn't get in trouble was the boys' bathroom, but even that was becoming questionable after numerous urinals started overflowing after his visits.

After weeks and weeks of teachers communicating both the good and bad through the daily agenda MOOSE, I was especially anticipating with a hesitant eagerness to talk strategy with his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver walked in and looked like the typical all-American parents. I thought to myself, "This might really work out and starting tomorrow, we might just have a much better day after his parents hear what all he has been up to." All of those thoughts quickly vanished when Mr. Cleaver said, "Tell me why you have been keeping my child after school when he clearly hasn't done anything wrong. He tells me you can't prove anything he has done." I think my mouth dropped to the floor. Trying to recover I fumbled to speak, "What?" Seriously? The child had terrorized the art teacher and had gotten written up by a bus driver that normally didn't turn in names to the office. I calmly searched their faces thinking at any moment these parents would tell me, "April Fools" or something.

I tried to talk about the good characteristics their child displayed, although lately it was hard for me to find a positive to build on. With every agenda item I attempted to describe all the things we were trying to do to help their child, but instead I could hardly get a word in edge-wise on how I needed to try their strategies to get things under control. I finally shook my head and said, "No. Absolutely not. That is not how I operate my classroom and this is exactly what has been going on to help your child." As soon as I became forceful in the conversation, I was amazed at how the parents finally got quiet enough to hear what I was saying. I finally laid it out on the table outlining what we've tried, what hadn't worked, and where we were headed (to the office) if Jerry's behavior didn't improve. I think the Cleavers had been convinced by Jerry that no one at school liked him. As soon as the Cleavers learned that it wasn't a contest as to whether or not we liked him or not, they started listening. We all liked Jerry, but his behavior and choices he was making needed to change. By the end of the parent conference, I was being told how I was their child's favorite teacher.

Parents are really no different than mama bears. If they think they are cornered and their baby bear is threatened, they come out fighting. Parents just need to know that as a teacher, I care about their child just as much as they do. After they understand that, the rest of the conference is a piece of cake.